Thursday Thoughts and Feels on Racism in America

The photo above represents my mood today, trying to re-ground myself from the wide array of emotions going through me as I process the recent murder of George Floyd. From anger to sadness to disgust... As an empath, I feel everything intensely. Like a sponge, I absorb other's fear, pain, sadness, and whatever other emotions they may be feeling along with them. When the mood is joy or content, it's easy to feel those emotions within. But, fury, terror, grief... that's a different story. The feelings sit with me and I have to find ways to cope as if the story is my own.

Meditation is one way I try to process my emotions and navigate what's real to me. The other is through music + art. But focusing on finding inner peace in a world with so much chaos going on around me seems increasingly hard to do lately and that's because deep down, I know it's not enough. My stomach will not settle until I also take action on what’s bothering me.

To me, this looks like speaking up and taking action when I see racism, injustice, and white supremacy around me. As a white woman, I hold white privilege. All white people do, whether they know it or not. This means I can turn off the news and go about my day without paying any attention to what's happening to the George Floyd's, Ahmaud Arbery’s, Breonna Taylor’s, and Rodney Reed’s of the world, without my life being affected. I can go walk outside, go into a store, and come home without thinking about my life being in danger even once. But Black or Indigenous People of Color don't get that choice. They're being hunted and killed while they exercise, shot in their bed while they sleep, murdered in the streets. BIPOC don't get to turn away from racism because it rears it's ugly head into their lives daily, from microaggressions to obvious hate crimes.

We can argue that we’re not racist all day long, send “love and light” to BIPOC when they tell their story, act shocked when another BIPOC is wrongfully killed, and go about our lives breathing a sigh of relief that we don’t have to worry about our white sons and daughter’s being harmed each time they go into public…. but that right there just shows where we stand. And it’s not being an ally or being honest in our beliefs about equality. Instead, it highlights the white privilege we hold. And that’s why I’m feeling unsettled.

I can practice meditation all day, quieting my mind, creating space between my ego and my true self, separating my emotions from others, but I cannot ignore what is happening or tune my way out of this world. I cannot pretend I live in a world that’s always beautiful and peaceful and only see the rainbows and sunshine. I cannot live in this bubble of privilege while my BIPOC brothers and sisters don’t have this same option.

And so I find my balance by meditating, educating myself, meditating, and taking action. A balance of holding my emotions in check while signing petitions and calling out gaslighting when I see it. Finding my calm space when I’ve spent so much time studying the history of white America and am frustrated. If you too are wondering what you can do to combat racism and take action on the inequality in the world around us, be prepared to start with yourself. Your blinders will have to come off and you’ll never see the world the same again once you realize your eyes were never fully open, but that’s going to be a good thing. There are so many resources out there, but I personally recommend the book/workbook called Me and White Supremacy, by Layla F. Saad.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I often quote we need to be the change we wish to see in the world. This holds true each day. Let’s do better, together.

xo

Make your voice heard. Sign the petition to charge George Floyd’s arresting officers: http://chng.it/x4fVfZyS6H